"MY VISIT TO THE HOSPITAL "

I THOUGHT I WOULD TELL YOU A STORY THOUGH A FEW YEARS HAVE PASSED BY SINCE.

I WAS ROUND ABOUT FORTY FIVE YEARS OLD AND A RASH I HAD MADE ME WINCE.

SO I WENT TO THE DOCTORS DRESSED TO THE KNOCKERS MIGHT YOU ASK THE REASON WHY.

I KNEW HE WOULD HAVE TO EXAMINE ME WITH A SPYING GLASS TO HIS EYE.

YOU KNOW HOW THEY DO WITH ANY SKIN INFECTION BE IT A BOIL OR A SPOT.

WELL MINE WAS ALL OVER MY BODY SO BEST UNDERWEAR OUT I GOT.

FANCY LACE KNICKERS AND BRA TO MATCH WELL YOU HAVE TO GO LOOKING GOOD .
UNDERNEATH IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS WHAT YOU ARE WEARING ABOVE.

I ARRIVED I WAS ITCHING ALL OVER THE RASH KNOWONE ELSE COULD SEE.

AS IT WASN'T ON MY HANDS AND FACE AND EVERYONE WAS LOOKING AT ME.

SAT THERE SCRATCHING MY BELLY THEN I WAS SCRATCHING MY BUM .... (BUTT).

OH! IT WAS SIMPLY A NIGHTMARE AND PRICKING AND STABBING NOT FUN.

MY NAME WAS CALLED OUT AT LAST FRIENDS SO INTO THE SURGERY I WENT.

MY DOCTOR WAS SAT WELL BACK IN HIS CHAIR WITH A COFFEE LOOKING CONTENT.

WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU TODAY KATHLEEN DOCTOR SAID WITH A SMILE.

ME FEELING NERVOUS IF I'D TO STRIP OFF IN FRONT OF HIM FOR A WHILE.

WELL DOCTOR I HAVE DEVELOPED THIS RASH AND IT'S SENDING ME CRAZY IT'S BAD.

SO HE ASKED ME TO TAKE MY BLOUSE OFF AND SAID OH! THE WORSE CASE WEV'E HAD.

HE SAID IN A VERY CONCERNED SORT OF WAY I NEED YOU TO GO STRAIGHT AWAY.

TO THE HOSPITAL I WILL RING UP NOW YOU'LL SEE MR FORD TODAY.

HE IS THE SKIN CONSULTANT UP THERE AND WE NEED TO GET THIS SUMMED UP.

SO I STOOD THERE JUST SHOCKED WITH MY KNOCKERS HANGING OUT OF MY FLIMSY PINK BRA CUPS. HE-HE.

JUST LET ME HAVE ONE MORE LOOK AT THESE ON YOUR LEFT BREAST MY DOCTOR SAID.

FLIP ME I WAS MORTIFIED STANDING THERE ALSORTS OF THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD.

ANYWAY I REACHED THE HOSPITAL WAS SHOWN WHERE TO GO AND SIT.

BY THIS TIME I'D SCRATCHED AND ITCHED SO MUCH I WAS RAW ON THE END OF LEFT T---. HE-HE.

AGAIN MY NAME WAS CALLED OUT AND I ENTERED THIS LARGE ROOM WITH THE NURSE.

INSIDE WAS THE CONSULTANT SKIN SPECIALIST AS I'VE EXPLAINED IN MY VERSE.

HELLO HE SAID KATHLEEN COME OVER HERE AS HE WALKED TOWARDS A MACHINE.

SAYING TO THE NURSE COULD YOU JUST POP OUT AND GET ME SOME SHEETS WHICH ARE CLEAN.

SHEETS I THOUGHT WHAT DOES HE WANT WITH THEM I'M NOT GETTING INTO BED.

ONCE AGAIN ALSORTS OF THOUGHTS WERE RUNNING WILD AROUND IN MY HEAD.

THE NURSE DISSAPEARED AND THE CONSULTANT SAID TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES KATHLEEN.

SO I CAN EXAMINE YOU IN A WHILE WHEN TO MY OFFICE IV'E BEEN.

LIE ON THAT BED THERE AND I'LL BE BACK SHORTLY SO WILL YOU EXCUSE ME PLEASE.

COVER YOURSELF WITH THE BLANKET RELAX ONLY TWO MINUTES I'LL BE .

WELL FRIENDS I'M LYING ON THIS BED IN THE NUDE SHAKING FROM HEAD TO TOE.

THIS GREAT BIG MACHINE AT THE SIDE OF ME NO IDEA WHATS COMING NEXT OH! NO!!!!.

SO AFTER A WHILE MR FORD RETURNS AND WHEELS THIS MACHINE CLOSE BY.

HE'S LOOKING SUPRIZED AT THE CHAIR WITH MY BREIFS ON OUT OF THE CORNER OF HIS EYE.

HE MOVES OVER CLOSER AND SWINGS BACK THE BLANKET AND BELIEVE IT OR NOT STARTS TO LAUGH.

OH! DEAR HE SAID WHY ARE YOU STRIPPED NAKED LOOKING SHOCKED AT ME LAUGHING KATH.

GOOD GRIEF I COULD HAVE DIED ON THE SPOT HE EXPLAINED HE'D SAID TAKE OFF MY COAT.

WELL ME BEING HARD OF HEARING I THOUGHT HE'D SAID TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES HE-HE.

THE ROOM ERUPTED IN LAUGHTER WE JUST CRACKED UP WHEN I TOLD.

MR FORD I WAS HARD OF HEARING AND SORRY THAT I'D FELT EVER SO BOLD.

LYING THERE IN THE NUDDY THINKING ALSORTS AND WHAT WAS GOING TO COME.

BY THE TIME I HAD DRESSED AND WE SAW THE FUNNY SIDE I JUST WANTED TO RUN.

I COULDN'T WAIT TO GET OUT OF THERE THE EMBARASSMENT OVERPOWERED ME.

I BET HE THOUGHT IT WAS HIS BIRTHDAY WHEN I WAS LAID STARKERS HE-HE.

IT ALL TURNED OUT THAT I HAD BEEN BITTEN BY AN INSECT WHILST HOLIDAYING IN GREECE.

SO HE GAVE ME CREAM AND A STRONG INJECTION TO GIVE ME A BIT OF PEACE.

WELL FRIENDS I HOPE YOUV'E ENJOYED READING THIS SINCE THEN IV'E LISTENED HARD EACH TIME.

WHENEVER IV'E HAD ANY HOSPITAL APPOINTMENTS LIKE HERE IN

"MY SIMPLE RHYMES"

HEEEEEEEEEEE !!!!!