STRINGS AND THINGS

WELL LAST NIGHT WAS MINUS EIGHT AGAIN SO I THOUGHT WHEN I GOT UP TODAY.

IT'S TIME TO GET THE NEW BLANKET OUT IV'E HAD FOR WEEKS WHEY HEY !!!

MY BED WILL BE OH SO WARM TONIGHT WHEN I JUMP IN IT NOT COLD.

PR-HEATED FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS I MIGHT SLEEP NUDE AND BE BOLD HE-HE.

SO I SET ABOUT DOING THE TASK GALS AND OUT OF THE PACKAGE IT CAME.

ALONG WITH ALL THE INSTRUCTIONS NOT MANY OH! I THOUGHT THIS IS TAME.

AS DO-IT YOURSELF PLANS I'M NOT SO GOOD AT FOLLOWING THEM THEY CONFUSE ME.

LAY IT ON THE MATRESS AND FLATTEN MAKE SURE ALL THE STRINGS YOU CAN SEE.

BUNCHES OF STRINGS I THOUGHT TO MYSELF OH THIS IS GOING TO BE FUN.

IT'S AN ELECTRIC BLANKET NOT A CIRCUS BIG TOP GOOD GRIEF I'LL NEVER BE DONE.

TAKE THE FIRST PIECE OF STRING ON THE LEFT AND TAKE IT UNDER THE MATRESS.

RIGHT TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE BED SO I THOUGHT HOW DO I GET ACCESS.

SO I LIFTED THE MATRESS UP BOY IT WAS HEAVY IT'S A DOUBLE BED BY THE WAY.

KEEPING HOLD OF THE STRING I WAS BURIED UNDERNEATH AND THE MATRESS STARTED TO SWAY.

IT WAS RESTING ON MY HEAD YOU SEE OUT OF BREATH I JUST LET IT GO.

IT FELL DOWN AND TRAPPED THE STRING IN PLACE BUT GIVING MY HEAD SUCH A BLOW.

OUCH!! YOU BLOODY THING I SHOUTED WE'RE ONLY ON THE FIRST LOOP.

WHICH I HAD TO THREAD THE STRING THROUGH AND PULL TIGHT SO IT DIDN'T DROOP.

THE NEXT ONE WAS ON THE RIGHT SIDE WITH WHICH I HAD TO DO SAME.

THREAD UNDERNEATH THE MATRESS AGAIN RIGHT TO LEFT LOOP WHAT A GAME.

I ONLY WANT MY BED FLIPPING WARM I WAS TANGLED AND ALL HOOKED UP .

HALF WAY UNDER THE FLIPPING MATRESS COULDN'T BREATH AND MY FINGERS FELT CUT.

WITH THESE FLIPPING NYLON STRINGS YOU PULL AND I'D ONLY MANAGED TWO.

I'D BEEN AT IT HALF AN HOUR ALREADY HOW MUCH LONGER I THOUGHT FEELING BLUE.

NOW TAKE THE NEXT ONE ACROSS TO THE MIDDLE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE BED.

LOOP IT THROUGH THE TAG WE'VE PROVIDED SO I DID JUST WHAT IT SAID.

SAME AGAIN FROM THE OPPOSITE SIDE NOW DOWN TO THE MIDDLE AS WELL.

PULL BOTH STRINGS TILL NICE AND TAUGHT AND MY FINGERS START TO SWELL.

ANYWAY IT FELT SECURE AT LAST SO I PLACED SHEET AND DUVET ON TOP.

THINKING NOW WOW IT'S JUST THE JOB NOW I'LL TURN ON AND AIR THE LOT.

I GOES TO THE SIDE OF THE BED AND BENDS DOWN TO LOOK FOR THE CONTROL SWITCH.

TO PLUG IT IN AND TRY IT OUT AND YOU MIGHT HAVE GUESSED YES A HITCH.

THE CONTROL WAS ON THE OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE BED WHERE NO SOCKETS THERE.

THE WIRE WASN'T LONG ENOUGH TO REACH OTHER SOCKET SO THEN I FLIPPED AND WENT SPARE.

STIFF NECK FROM HOLDING THE MATRESS UP CUT FINGERS ALL SORE WITH THE YARN.

NOW I CARN'T PLUG THE FLIPPING THING IN TO KEEP MOTHERHEN NICE AND WARM.

BLOODY ELECTRIC BLANKETS I THOUGHT WELL YOU'LL STOP ON COLD I'M AFRAID.

COS I'M FLIPPING WRECKED FOLLOWING YOUR INSTRUCTIONS AND MY NERVES ARE NOW ALL FRAYED.

SO I'M STICKING WITH MY OLD FAITHFULL TONIGHT MY HOT WATER BOTTLE ONCE AGAIN.

TILL ROOSTER CAN BRING ME THE CORRECT EXTENTION TO PLUG IT IN WHAT A PAIN.

TALK ABOUT GET A NEW BLANKET GALS WHY ARN'T THINGS MADE EASY TO FIT.

LIKE I SAID A BIG TOP TENT WOULD BE EASIER THAN FITTING THIS BLANKET KIT.

SO THINK OF ME FOLKS TONIGHT WHEN I GO TO BED AS IT'S MINUS FIVE,

WITH MY WATER BOTTLE AND NO ELECTRIC BLANKET AND HAPPY I'M STILL ALIVE.

COS WHO KNOWS WITH MY LUCK IF WIRE HAD REACHED WHATS BETTING IT MIGHT HAVE GONE BANG

AND LETS FACE IT THERES DEFINATELY ENOUGH LENGTH OF STRING FOR MOTHERHEN TO HANG.
HE-HE

WHICH MADE ME THINK MAYBE I'M BETTER WITH OLD FAITHFULL WATER BOTTLE NOW ALL THE TIME.

I HOPE YOUV'E ENJOYED THE FITTING OF THE BLANKET WITH ME IN "MY SIMPLE RHYME"" HE-HE.